i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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