just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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