Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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