y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
