Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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