We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
