He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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