she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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