the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
