She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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