She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
