There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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