i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
