i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I accidentally burped into my bong.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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