You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
