That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
