that's an acceptable place to lick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize