I think I died a long time ago.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
