If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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