I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
