A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
