those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
