I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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