i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
