Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
