I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
