if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
farters have to be the big spoon...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
