It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
