the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
