Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
