You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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