walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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