I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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