i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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