Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
