I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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