remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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