whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
