Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
His nipple licking is glorious
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