If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
