On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
