I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
