we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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