Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
