You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
