Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
