I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
