he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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