Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
