you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
