I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
