Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
