walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
