no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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