you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
