I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
