My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
