I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
