he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The air was thick with penises
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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