I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
