you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
