TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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