FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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