i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love accidental penises.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His nipple licking is glorious
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