we're blogging at a bar
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
