Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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