are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
