imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
