I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
