everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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