Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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