Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
