so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
