my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
