i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
