i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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