You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize