I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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