Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
