I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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