I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
