I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
