i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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