New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
