this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
