I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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