I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
