Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
there is puke in my bra ... again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
