dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
