Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
