They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
