Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
