I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize