I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
