i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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