we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
