my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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